constipated happiness

Have you ever been caught in a situation where you're unable to pursue your own happiness? It's like having swallowed a ball the same size as your throat and you are stuck in the middle, not able to swallow it down and unable to puke it all out. It's a constipated feeling.

I doubt there is anyone who would be able to understand, but that's exactly how I feel right now. Happiness is so near yet so far. I know that theoretically I have to let go and let God take control, but I just can't help but feel sad about it. The fact that I have to let it go.

Why are some people just so blessed? To be able to pursue one's happiness so freely. Does freedom really come with a price to pay? Why are some people so courageous in fighting for their own freedom? I wonder. Maybe I'm just weak.