Monday, February 09, 2009

what do i really want?

I want a car. I want a house. I want to have a great career. I want to have a relationship. I want to find a great guy. I want to find love. I want to love people in my life. I want freedom. I want to be free. I want to be free like a bird in the sky. I really want to be free. I really want to be free. I really want to be free. I really want to be free.

I was stuck. What do I really want?

Do I really want to have a relationship? The irony is that I value my freedom above all else on my want list! The same question repeated was so deafening to my ears that I had to stop thinking with my head and start to ask my heart. What do I really want?

I searched my heart. And I blurted...

I want to be honest with myself.
I want to be true to myself.
I want to forgive myself.
I want to love myself.

I was so shocked that tears just flowed. The deepest desire that I had suppressed for so long finally broke free.


mrdes said...

At one point, I began to think that life is a journey of searching for who I am really inside, nothing else really matters.

And I used to have much difficulty forgiving myself: there was more gulit that loneliness...still do.

Take care.

mrdes said...

I mean "more gulit than loneliness..."

Jerlynn said...

thanks for your sharing... you meant "more guilt than loneliness"?

mrdes said...

yes, thanks for correction:)