In Singapore, there is this colloquial term and concept known as "paiseh" that is the typical trait of most Singaporeans. Pardon me for using the colloquial term. The odd thing is that there is no equivalent or exact translation in English. I guess this syndrome is probably alien to foreigners. For the benefit of those uninitiated, I shall attempt to translate it as best as possible to mean the anticipated feeling of embarrassment or shyness for fear of rejection or causing inconvenience to others.
This is a possible explanation and conclusion I came up with, while thinking about the possible scenarios that goes through the minds of the group of people I termed as "no-response people" in one of my previous post. I am no psychologist, so if you are one, please enlighten me on the reasoning behind this type of
Somehow, I concluded with basic logical reasoning that Singaporeans are a bunch of nice-bies. They hate to reject people and they probably feel too "paiseh" to reject me and so, instead of saying a "no" to my face, they chose to pretend that they never did receive my email nor my smses nor my missed call. In this way, they feel better that they had the excuse of non-receipt of my invitation instead of feeling guilty for rejecting me.
I will be happy if anyone of you can prove my conclusion wrong.
3 comments:
My view: People expect us to read between the lines,to eventually "get it". By not responding to you, they think is a kind of direct rejection or you will "get it". And they feel that by cooking up some excuses makes them hypocrites - so the people you called are not hypocrites. I wouldn't say that I rather visit the library etc. Or would you rather they promise the sky then undeliver?(now the worst is the last-minute-I-forget-about-the-meeting evaluator). So next time, assume non-availability with non-response. I hope I'm not being blunt or reading your post wrongly. Cheers!
mrdes: I think you have a point there. But the problem is: how long do I have to wait for those non-hypocrites? One hour? One day? Time is precious!
Wong Li-Lin in The Leap Years demonstrates the body language of a girl in the throes of paiseh-ness as she struggles to decide whether to ask the handsome male stranger across the street (Jeremy) for a date. Paiseh is a proper Hokkien (i.e. the mother tongue of people from Amoy port) term, and is found in the first stanza of the classic Taiwanese folk song, "Bong Choon Hong" (Spring Carries My Hope):
"I'm 17 going on 18, but still unmarried. I see this handsome guy and I want to ask who he is. But I feel paiseh and my heart is strumming like a guitar..." (rough translation). The song is made famous by Teresa Teng.
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